The Funniest Marriage Tweets To Get You Through This Week

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
Every day I’m thankful my wife has terrible taste in men.
He was rare, like a man who happily put up Christmas lights for his wife.
Thanksgiving: The day I take two bites of stuffing before my mom says, “While you’re here, can you take a look at my computer?” Thankfully, I married a developer—he’s now the designated tech support.
My husband is really stressed about which book we are supposed to read to our baby, who is nine weeks old and can’t quite lift his head up.
Do I care which way the toilet paper goes? No. Do I 100% put it on “backwards” when my husband is being annoying? Yes. It’s the little things.
Wife: you need to get more fruits and veggies inMe: yeah I’m eating an apple right now Wife: that’s an apple cider donutMe: yeah APPLE
Husband: *tells terrible joke* Me: *sighs deeply*Husband: *Laughs like a lunatic*
My husband and l have a secret to making our marriage last. Twice a week we go to a nice restaurant, drink a little wine, eat good food, and enjoycompanionship.He goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
6yo: What does hollow mean?My wife: It means something is empty on the inside…….like daddy’s head.
Hope my marriage can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
I never imagined that one day my spouse might yell from the other room “can you help me? He just threw up.” And I would be able to respond, “which one?” Because there are three reasonable options.
It seems the police will not take it seriously that my wife won’t stop texting while I’m grocery shopping to add stuff to the list.
I’m watching a Hallmark Christmas movie with my wife so spare me your sob story
A person at my husband’s work found me on Facebook and asked him why is your wife hugging a wax figure on her pfp he responded with:That’s not a wax figure that’s Jensen Ackles he’s just so perfect he looks like wax. 😭💀
I said there’s nothing to do today except relax and suddenly I’m being bossed around on a ladder being told the Christmas wreath is still not centered on the “effing window”. send help.
My wife is canning food so our kids can throw it on the floor a few years from now instead of today
We have a flight that boards at 6:25 am in the morning. We are 90 miles away from the airport. For the umpteenth time will someone tell my husband what time we have to leave.
No one:My husband: why don’t poems rhyme anymore
Wife: OMG are you eating blueberry pie filling straight out of a can?!?Me [eating blueberry pie filling straight out of a can]: no
My husband’s gradual hair colour shampoo is definitely working. All of our towels are gradually going the same colour.